Is Pride A Sin?
by Hyper Deathray
Summary: Rukia and Renji chose to go to Hueco Mundo, but he was the one who let them go. [Byakuya, Rukia]


**Is pride a Sin?**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Bleach, Kubo Tite does

**Rating:** PG

**Summary: **Rukia and Renji chose to go to Hueco Mundo, but he was the one who let them go. (Byakuya, Rukia)

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When Byakuya turned his back, it was with reluctance.

A leader protected his men. An older brother protected his siblings. "Bringing you back like this is only something I was ordered to do," he remarked with false indifference. "Whatever happens to you afterwards is none of my concern. Do as you like." And then he simply walked away, leaving Rukia and Renji to where Fate would take them. Byakuya's steady stride and inscrutable visage were refined to perfection, his well-worn shield and armor keeping out unwanted gazes and masking his true face.

Life was filled with such irony, and today it felt as if black had become white. Yes, white. And six had become thirteen.

Byakuya loathed Ukitake Jyuushirou. That man had lost all respect in Byakuya's eyes when he had first gazed upon Rukia's broken spirit that night. She had never mirrored his decreased wife as she did at that instant, with her uniform soaked with blood. Those same eyes cast downward in hollow weariness, as if all joy for living had escaped out from under them through twin rivers of tears.

Byakuya never forgave Ukitake. He failed his rank when he allowed his subordinate to fight for personal vengeance. He had forfeited all respect from Byakuya as he had looked into Rukia's empty eyes, noting the guilt that now dwelled within them where life had once resided, guilt that the blood stained on her blade was not her own.

He remembered his conversation with Ukitake after that incident.

"Byakuya, you have every right to blame me." Ukitate had said, offering an apology that both of them knew would never be enough. "But denying your little sister any promotions in the future, that I can't agree with. She's trained hard to become a seated officer in the Thirteenth." Ukitake's eyes had searched within Byakuya's gaze for forgiveness and understanding, but Byakuya had only let him see a mask, blank and without feeling, revealing no solace.

"The responsibilities and dangers that a seated officer face are great compared to those of a regular shinigami." Byakuya had replied, as if he had not heard Ukitake at all. He had continued to speak, smoothly and tonelessly. "Due to her recent incident, she will not be able to fulfill those responsibilities or face those dangers properly."

Byakuya had then decided to reveal a piece of his soul to Ukitake, acknowledging the other man for first time in their conversation. But it had not been the solace that Ukitake had wanted. "In a battle of life and death, the outcome is already decided not by the strength of the two fighters, but by their will. Their will to live, to fight with all their heart for their existence."

Byakuya's words had remained toneless, and his face still revealed nothing, but it had been enough for Ukitake. In every bland syllable that Byakuya had uttered, Ukitake had heard all the curses and accusations in the world flung at him, and his resolve had crumbled. Byakuya had turned his back to Ukitake then, knowing from Ukitake's guilt-ridden face that he had won. If Rukia could no longer fight for herself, then he would protect her. If he didn't protect her, Byakuya thought, who would?

Those thoughts stayed with him over the years, as the guilt of Kaien's death never left her eyes. They remained the same during the Aizen incident. As he had lain on the ground, looking up at her concerned face, Byakuya had omitted the fact that although his heart had been in turmoil, it had been her face that had sealed his decision. It had been that same face of guilt, as if she had been blaming herself all over again and had already accepted her execution. Her acceptance shamed the part of him that had wanted to abandon all logic and defy the authority that he had so respected and believed in. And so, he had walked away.

Over the years, he had gotten used to the idea that the only way to protect her was to hold her back, for her guilt would surely kill her if she were pressed too hard. Which was why Byakuya was surprised when it had happened. It had been a few days after the Aizen incident when Byakuya had found Rukia meditating in his garden one early morning, with her zanpaktou lying across her lap. When she had suddenly realized his presence, it had broken her concentration.

"Nii-sama," she had greeted him, startled. "Sorry for not responding to your presence. I was just..." She had trailed off, looking slightly embarrassed.

"That stance. You were talking to Shirayuki." He had responded, making his voice as toneless as he had conditioned himself to speak. "You were attempting to attain Materialization, the first requirement for Bankai."

"Yes." She had replied with more force and conviction, as if she had decided to make a stand. "Yes, I was."

Byakuya had not answered her immediately. And when he did, it had simply been, "I see. Forgive me for disturbing you, Rukia." And then, he had left her to continue training as he contemplated what she had left unspoken. Rukia knew as well as he did that Bankai required a deep connection between the zanpaktou and its wielder, a connection acquired from fighting together in combat, as well as years of training to attain the reiatsu necessary to force the zanpaktou to submit. She could not even complete the Materialization step in her current state. Her effort had been nothing more than a silent way of expressing to him her wish to grow stronger, her desire to become a seated officer.

That had been the first time he had seen it in her eyes in so many years, the desire to become stronger, and the will to fight. Byakuya had silently thanked Rukia at that time for her subtlety, the way she had showed her resolve, but at the same time did not force him to answer. And the truth was, he would not have been ready to give an answer. And so he pretended that he had heard nothing, had seen nothing. He had pretended as Rukia was ordered to return to the real world. He had pretended as Yamamoto-sama summoned him and Zaraki. He had pretended until he saw her resolve again as he appeared before her, with these same eyes looking upward at him, respectful of his wishes but unyielding of her own.

He could deny it no more. Rukia had regained that which she had lost on that day. But where did that leave him?

Byakuya had always wanted to trade places with Ukitake Jyuushirou since that day. This was not what he had meant. But the twisted threads of life woven by Fate obeyed no man's wishes. Whatever happened in the future would happen, he told himself.

Technically, he wasn't doing anything wrong. He was grateful of at least that. His orders were only to bring Hitsugaya's group back to Soul Society, and nothing else. If Rukia and Renji were bold enough to cross over to Hueco Mundo, he was not bound by law to stop them. And yet, as he willingly walked away, he questioned the choice he had just made; knowing that no one could blame him for what he had done as loudly as he could blame himself.

With his steady stride and inscrutable visage in place, Kuchiki Byakuya could only hear himself.

**End**


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